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The Talk: Have you discussed the police with your kids?

A family explains how they've raised their sons to confront the reality of becoming young black men

December 22, 2014 5:45PM ET

by Sarah Hoye @Sarah_Hoye

BROOKLYN, N.Y. – An intimate conversation about race that's been happening in homes across America moved into the national discourse following the deaths of Michael Brown, Eric Garner and 12-year-old Tamir Rice in Cleveland.

At kitchen tables and in living rooms, families of color are telling their young sons how life can be different for them and how they should behave in public, especially when interacting with the police. It's known as "The Talk." In many black homes, the conversation is simply about life and death.

Journalist Jeannine Amber described it in Time magazine: "If you are stopped by a cop, do what he says, even if he's harassing you, even if you didn't do anything wrong. Let him arrest you, memorize his badge number, and call me as soon as you get to the precinct. Keep your hands where he can see them. Do not reach for your wallet. Do not grab your phone. Do not raise your voice. Do not talk back. Do you understand me?"

Brooklyn natives Akim Vann and her husband Reggie Ossé, both Ivy League graduates, are the parents of three boys and one girl. Here's a taste of their experience confronting the realities of race as they raise their black boys into black men:

Reggie Ossé, attorney and host of The Combat Jack Show podcast

America Tonight

I have to do my best to protect my kids. I can't be with them. I can't chaperone them at every incident, but I can at least impart upon them some type of practical mindset, practical body movement, practical way of acting … My sons have already been stopped – all three of them – by police.

Akim Vann, bakery owner and tutor

America Tonight

I guess in a way I fear for them, but I don't want to raise my children to operate out of fear. I think that's very dangerous. I think that it's not a good place to be if you're walking out into the world, being fearful. What I want to raise them with is with awareness.

Chi Ossé, high school junior

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For a country that prides itself on having justice distributed among the land, but doesn't have justice when someone kills someone that's close to my age and of my skin color, that's scary.

Kai Ossé, seventh-grader

America Tonight

I've been the only black boy in my grade ... Collectively, my parents just told me to watch out and stay out of trouble because they kind of knew that I would be looked at in a certain way. And I think I haven't really caught onto that until this year when I was actually stopped by a police officer.

Chuma Ossé, high school senior

America Tonight

As a 17-year-old in America – as anyone in America – you shouldn't have to come to terms with the fact that if you get wrongfully killed, nothing will happen and that person who kills you wrongfully will not be held accountable for their actions. That's just terrible.

Despite the awareness instilled in them by mom and dad, the Ossé brothers are still fearful. Recent protests in New York City sparked a surge in police presence near the boys’ private school downtown.

So as young black men in New York, do they feel safe around cops?

"Not at all," Chuma said, "I find myself having a small anxiety attack.”

"It’s ridiculous," Chi said. "It ticks me off."

"I think it's excess," said Kai.

This is just one family's experience with The Talk. Parents, have you had any sort of similar discussion with your children? If so, please let us know what advice you shared in the comments or on our Facebook page or tweet us @AmericaTonight.